3 Steps to Making Disciples of Men

How can I engage more men in my ministry? And when I “land” them, how do I go about discipling them?

How often have you heard these questions from pastors and church leaders? How many times have you wondered them yourself? And what have you concluded?

You’re called to evangelize men, stirring them toward discipleship and a deeper walk with Christ. But you know the odds are tipped against you.

You’ve likely seen the statistics. In fact, Lifeway Research found 63% of pastors say they need to continue investing in disciple-making, more than any other skill.

As a church leader, you get this. And you don’t need to dig too deeply to find other supporting statistics.

Start with one

Research shows men’s discipleship lags behind women’s. But the power of relationships—particularly one-on-one relationships—can help make disciples of men in church. Relationships are essential for unlocking successful ministry to men. Leaders in the church need to build their discipleship skills by honing their interpersonal muscles with men—one man at a time.

When I write, I write for a man. One man. My book-composing “ministry” began in 1996 with this epiphany: Most of the time, people read books by themselves. In order to communicate effectively, the writer needs to stop looking around to see who else might be listening. He needs to turn off the microphone, step off the platform, and talk directly to the reader. It’s only two people. Just the writer and reader.

In fact, I got so serious about this strategy that when I was writing my first book, I put the name of a man on a yellow sticky note and put it in the upper corner of my computer monitor. He had no idea I was doing this, but I wrote the whole book to Rick Bell. As I wrote the manuscript, I’d pretend that note was Rick’s face. (Sorry, Rick.) I’d write a paragraph and glance at the yellow sticky. In my mind if there was a quizzical “look” on Rick’s face, I’d step back and take another run at it. I did this until Rick was nodding and smiling. Then I’d keep writing.

Discipleship requires the same discipline. Even if you have thousands of men under your charge, you make disciples one at a time. These men don’t listen and engage as a group. They pay attention on their own. With their own heart and one set of ears. Again, one man at a time. When you’re teaching or preaching, each man listens by himself.

Talk to God

Men often struggle with the idea of prayer. Some have heard or read eloquent prayers that sound refined and precise. But, as you would over coffee with a close friend, prayer is best when it’s seen as a simple conversation with Someone you know and love. Someone who loves you and is truly interested in everything from objective news to your deepest needs and hurts.

This time is done in the quiet. Just you and Him and His Word. Intentionally focused on Him. Then for the rest of your day, that conversation can continue. Many years ago, I had the privilege of teaching through the Old Testament book of Nehemiah. Doing this introduced me to a concept I dubbed, “Prayer on the fly.” You and the Lord can do this throughout your day.

Nehemiah was a simple cupbearer to the king of Babylon—not a glamorous job, even for an exile. Once when Nehemiah had served the monarch his favorite chardonnay, he looked noticeably troubled. “What’s the matter?” the king asked his servant. Even before Nehemiah nervously spoke a word out loud, the Scripture records, “So I prayed to the God of the heavens and [then] answered the king” (Nehemiah 2:4b-5a, CSB).

Because Nehemiah knew the Lord was with him, he didn’t need to stop to offer an official prayer. He simply spoke to his Father.

Do you see it? Prayer on the fly.

One of my favorite moments in the gospels (John 21), is the one-on-one early morning encounter between Jesus and Simon Peter after the resurrection. This is where discipleship begins. This is how discipleship begins. Jesus and you. Just Jesus and you. We must start by encouraging the men in our churches to start their day with “coffee over a campfire with Jesus.”

Listen for God’s voice

Since the goal is for men to become disciples of Christ, the plan must start with this simple step: Spend time with Jesus in His Word every day. In fact, when we see a friend at church, or wherever, the first thing we should ask is, “Did you spend time with Jesus today?”

Do you have any pegboard in your garage? I do. And there are tools hanging on those little hooks so I can retrieve them when I’m looking for just the right thing to help me with a project.

The Men’s Daily Bible looks like a book. It’s not; it’s a tool. It’s something simple you can use to get started on the “project” of spending time with Jesus.

Picking just one man to disciple. Talking to Jesus. Listening for His voice throughout your day. This is what discipleship looks like.