"I'm Aaron, and I'm a holler-oholic." Confession is freeing. And, being freeing, it's comforting to get the non-judgmental reply, "Hi, Aaron," from all the other dads with problems — which would be all of us. Let's be honest and start with the fact that we're all in need of assistance. We're broken sinners who desire to be more like Jesus, yet we all have our moments. All dads on the journey of fatherhood have had those parenting episodes we wish we could change — the times we knew better but just didn't seem to get right.
We can't change yesterday, but we can make choices today that change our families for a lifetime. We all want to be better dads, so here are four areas where we might improve.
Family Foreman
"I'm the man. Follow me." Sometimes we want to say that. Other times we could really care less, right? God has given us the role of headship, according to Ephesians 5:23. And it's not because we're tougher, stronger, or sharper. We should be man enough to admit that women have us topped in all three of those categories. God made us the head of the family because it's His will. So what are you going to do about it?
1. Lead in humility.
Ephesians 4:2-3 tells you how. When you mess up with your kids or wife, humble yourself and ask, Will you forgive me? I shouldn't have ... Humility shows strength.
2. Lead in prayer.
Not just at dinnertime and bedtime, but any time. Don't just say, "I'll pray for you." Actually do it. Right then and there with your wife or child say, "Let's pray about that," and voice a simple, single-purpose prayer. Prayers are powerful and effective (James 5:16), and prayers have a different power when you lead your kids by example.
3. Lead in Bible engagement.
I know a guy whose kids ask, "Dad, are you reading your Bible?" when he's using his iPad since that's what he most often does with his tablet. He's not on social media and doesn't use it for gaming. Like him, you should read, meditate on, and memorize Scripture.
Talk about passages with your kids. As Deuteronomy 6:6-7 teaches, make the Bible part of your daily life.
Minor Scholar
You're a dad. Inherently, you're a fixer. If you're like most men, you like to solve problems. Yet you can as easily lapse into to the if it ain't broke, don't fix it mentality with your kids. You might think to yourself, They have clothes. They're well fed. They're not screaming at one another. Everything must be all right. Right?
Compare those thoughts to the times you ask your wife, "What's wrong?" and she gives you that steely look that screams, As if you didn't know. You need to take the time to learn your children. Meet them where they are, and love them for who they are. And be a student of your children. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom as James 1:5 encourages. Let the Heavenly Father help you learn to be a better father.
4. Learn your kids by asking your wife.
Real men are big enough to ask for assistance. Face it, your wife knows your kids better than anyone else. And, news flash: She knows you best, too. Listen to her. Consider what she says. Plans fail when you don't ask for advice (Proverbs 15:22).
5. Learn your kids by asking your friends.
I know some of your buddies may not be the best dads, but they probably want to be better dads just like you do. Nothing brings guys together — no matter how tough or cool they may seem — like talking about their kids. You'll learn some new things (Proverbs 27:17). But I bet you'll also learn things not to do.
6. Learn your kids in stages.
Your kids change as they grow. Your parenting style must change through the stages of their youth. You may find that you're a rockstar dad with preschoolers, but little tykes grow up, and your parenting skills must grow up, too.
Open Ears
My wife hates it when I don't completely listen to her. I routinely jump in with an answer or ask questions to find a solution. You know what? My kids hate it, too. No one likes to be interrupted.
Everyone wants to be heard. So, dads, slow down your Mister Fix-It tendencies and listen to your children. They'll tell you almost everything you need to know about themselves if you'll listen. Listen when you don't want to. As Colossians 3:12 teaches, there may be no better way for you to love your kids than to listen patiently to everything they have to say. Everything. You may not be a fan of American Girl dolls, but if your daughter is, you'd better be attentive.
7. Listen to what isn't said.
You can interpret nonverbal communication: the way something is said or the way someone moves when he or she says it. Enter "detective dad" mode and observe more than words can say.
8. Listen with every part of yourself.
Put down the remote. Or the iPad. Or whatever steals your attention.
9. Listen to your kids with your ears, your eyes, and the Holy Spirit.
You'll be surprised what you understand.
Relative Adoration
If you're leading, learning, and listening, then you're loving. You love your wife — and your kids — as Jesus loved us. He lay down His life for us. Although most of us would take a literal bullet for our families, practically and sacrificially, we need to lay our lives down for those precious souls God has entrusted us to lead (1 John 3:16). Daddies, your family is watching you, so love them like Jesus.
10. Love in order.
Like Matthew 22:37-39 says, love God most. He's your life. Love your wife second. Your marriage is the center of your home. Your kids are God's gifts to you. You steward their souls for the Sovereign. Love them well.
11. Love in the right language.
Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch — Gary Chapman has given us a gift with the Five Love Languages series (5lovelanguages.com). There's also a version that allows you to discover your children's love language.
Take time to learn your own as well as the love languages of your wife and kids. Your love language may not match your children's, but you can love them in a way that they'll best receive it. Your kids are so worth it.
12. Love with compassion.
Psalm 103:13 tells us that God has compassion on us like an earthly father has compassion on his own children. Are you compassionate with your kids? God uses you as an example for Himself. That kind of biblical compassion is all about a covenant, unending love.
Recently, as I tucked my rough-and-tumble 6-year-old son into bed, he tried to pull one arm out to hug me just as I was pulling the bedspread tight across him. His arm went flying — right to my upper lip. My kindergartner drew blood.
"Wow! You got Daddy good, J.M." I said, looking at my hand as I daubed blood. Then I looked into my sweet son's face. He was mortified.
"Daddy, I'm so sorry I hurt you," he gushed with tears pouring. "I didn't mean to hurt you. You're bleeding," he bellowed.
My son hurt because he hurt me. And I loved my son because he loved me. Funny how love works. Books, articles, and sermons are great, but the best lessons in fatherhood come by simply living life as a daddy.
Love Jesus. Love your family. These four L's: leading, learning, listening, and loving — and every other letter of the alphabet — will work from there.
This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.