Fine. Sometimes I wonder if that's the response that Adam got from Cain when he asked him throughout his life, "So how was your day?" In my mind, I can see Abraham, at over 100, walking into the tent, laying down his cane, and saying the same thing to Isaac, "So, my boy, my great hope, my promise from God ... How was your day?"
"Fine."
It's the tried-and-true response that kids give when they don't really want to talk about how their day was; something to get their parents off their backs so they can go back to the Wii, or the coloring, or the whatever. It's also the response that simultaneously infuriates and saddens parents who want to have real interaction with their children whom they haven't seen for several hours.
I don't like that response. There has to be more to it than that. With fine, I feel the waning influence over my children; the reality is acutely apparent that over time I'll become less and less of the main influence in their lives.
Parents must push past the mere fine and into the details. But how do you do so with patience and love? Here are a few hints that seem to be effective with Jana's and my kids who are now 8, 5, and 2.
Show respect.
I know how I'd feel if I were involved in something, and somebody suddenly demanded to have an in-depth conversation about something entirely different. Learning to choose the right moments to talk shows respect to your kids. Let them finish that game or drawing. Then make your move. As the day passes, the time for conversation gets shorter. Pretty soon, the opportunity is gone.
Establish a regular time and place.
For our family, this is at the dinner table. Our kids know that we expect genuine conversation over dinner. We don't turn on the TV, nor do we allow books, phones, or toys at the table. Just us. Sometimes it's a battle for Jana and me to pry open the kids' mouths and hearts, but the pattern has developed. Don't be satisfied with asking, "How was your day?" Go the extra step to open lines of communication.
Get creative.
How was your day? is a fine question; it's just bland. Try to get creative. Spice up the questions a little bit:
Tell me something unusual that happened today.
What was the most amazing thing that happened at school today?
Complete this sentence: My day would have been more exciting if...
This last one is fun; the last time we asked this question Jana and I found out that second grade would've been more exciting if a herd of zebras had invaded the lunchroom.
Indeed, it would. But that led us down the road of discussing math, playground games, and other stuff.
You could also have your kids write their own questions. Place their questions in a bowl and have each person draw a question to answer. For more fun, play the "Telephone Game." Have a child privately share something about his or her day and then pass it on. When it gets back to that child, see how much the original "conversation" has changed.
Be specific.
Instead of the general question, ask about specific relationships. Ask about tests. Ask about what you talked about the previous night. Show your kids that you not only care, but also that you remember. To do that, you have to listen, and then discuss what's been talked about before. Truthfully, that's easier said than done, especially since it's easy to become preoccupied with how your own day went.
Have fun.
Sometimes the day really was just fine. That's fine — even if you don't want it to be. It's during those fine times that you can branch out and talk about upcoming family events, vacations, and other stuff.
In the end, the conversation is about reminding your children that their first outlet can and should be their parents as our first outlet is our Father, who always listens and cares.
This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.