This is an excerpt from HomeLife Magazine.
Our hearts scream in pain, but the silence of others can be louder still, especially the silence of the ones we thought were close. When a friend doesn’t show up in the time we need them most, suffering only multiplies. It’s a suffering that emerges later, after the dust settles, after the initial panic subsides, when the new normal is just plain normal and the old one long forgotten. We recognize the silence, the time, what’s gone unacknowledged, and decide how we’ll respond. Here are the truths that have been friends to me when others have gone silent.
Prescence
When sorrow attended my soul, Jesus stood nearer. When I felt alone, I wasn’t. Before I even knew of what was to come, He prepared the way. My friend may not have shown up, but my Savior did. Let me count the ways.
Lament
It hurt deeply when she didn’t acknowledge the pain and didn’t help carry the burden. Relationships and the people in them are imperfect, and I feel a longing sob rise up and out of me as I feel so acutely what was never supposed to be. But it is so; this world is groaning, and I groan with it. I will tell Jesus how it hurts that my friend didn’t show up. He knows what it means to be alone.
My friend my not have shown up, but my Savior did.
Christine Hoover
Mercy
I think about how I haven’t shown up. I haven’t acknowledged deaths, carried burdens I could’ve carried, or offered words of comfort. I haven’t known what to say. I’ve been afraid and uncertain around suffering. Sometimes I’ve been drowning in my own pain and simply haven’t been able to take on more weight without going completely under. I will offer the mercy I would like myself.
Thanksgiving
I think about the many who showed up, some I wouldn’t have expected and some with the most knowing of kindnesses. The one I hold in my mind may not have come, but Jesus sent His people. I will recall their presence, their words, and their touch. I will thank God for the comfort of His faithful people.
Words
I think about the one who didn’t show up. Is God nudging me to speak the truth to her in love, to tell her how it made me feel? If my goal is truly restoration of a broken friendship rather than expressing my anger or being right, I will go to her, prayerfully and carefully. I will tell her of my hurt. We can both grow from this.
Relationships and the people in them are imperfect. I will tell Jesus how it hurts that my
friend didn’t show up. He knows what it means to be alone.Christine Hoover
Forgiveness
I think about what the hurt is telling me. Hurt tells me I’m entitled to bitterness and unforgiveness, but this is a lie. Jesus tells me to forgive those who sin against me, whether they ask for forgiveness or not. I will look to Jesus and see all that He’s forgiven in me. Then I will look to the one who has hurt me and forgive, knowing I may have to do this until the remembrance of it withers away.
Discernment
Perhaps this isn’t the friendship I thought it was. I will pray and ask God for discernment. I will honor the friend who didn’t show up in my words and actions, but I will also pursue other friendships that honor Christ.
