When our little boy was 2, I started a blog. It was a way to create a digital scrapbook while keeping family and friends updated on our lives, and most of my early posts are filled with details about Alex toddling around with a pacifier in his hand, throwing fits in his car seat on the way to the park, and saying "God made you special and He wuvs you berry much" every single night after prayers. And for about four years, there was something fun and therapeutic about documenting life with a talkative preschooler.
But over the last couple of years, I've cut back significantly in terms of how much I share about our little guy online. It's been a gradual process, one that was set in motion by a bedtime conversation between Alex and me about two years ago. It was one of those instances where his questions made me wish that real life had a record-and-save feature so that I'd have a memento of what 6-year-old wonder looked like. I was so touched by the way Alex had expressed himself that as I left his room I thought, Wow, I need to go type out every single word he said. It'll make a great blog post.
And almost instantly I felt fresh conviction wash over me: It's not your story to tell.
As parents, we have to prayerfully consider where the online privacy line is going to be in our families and examine what our motivations might be if we're consistently stepping over it.
The thought stopped me in my tracks, mainly because stories about Alex were a big part of my blog content. However, that night was different — a game-changer, really. Up until that point so many of his experiences had been similar to thousands of other kids his age. But the discussion we had in his room was specific to his life and his observations. I knew it wasn't my place to share it because he wouldn't have shared it with anyone but his daddy and me.
In other words, it wasn't fodder for a status update. Or a tweet. Or a blog post. And it really made me think about what my boundaries should be when it comes to writing about our son.
I'm not the only one who's been thinking about where the line is when it comes to sharing about our children on the Web. Social media is everywhere these days, and Mary, a Christian speaker, author, and blogger, thinks that maybe too much of a good thing is just too much. "Certainly our kids are precious and funny and adorable," she says, "but when it comes to posting about them on blogs, Facebook, and Twitter, I wonder if so much exposure is good? Are we asking our kids to become performers in our own stories? And if so, what kind of pressure does that create?"
Leah, a mom who blogs at Confident Until Completion, has also given this issue some thought: "I think my [boundary] line is not to tell anything too embarrassing. I try to keep it to milestones and fun stories. I think in the end [our son] will appreciate a record of his childhood; however, as he gets older, I will probably bring him into the decision making."
And Sarah from The Auto Momma sees that there's a bigger picture at hand. "We must teach our kids to be responsible online," she advises. "How can I tell [my son] to be cautious of what he shares online if I've shared his every personal moment since birth, complete with embarrassing pictures?"
Sarah's point is a great reminder that whether we blog, post occasionally on Facebook, or tweet like there's no tomorrow, we need to be mindful of how we represent and characterize our kids before we hit "publish." As Angie from Spring of Joy once wrote, "God calls me to think of others better than myself. He calls me to honor others in love. That includes my children ... in the way I speak to them ... in the way I speak about them ... in what I write about them."
So how do we honor our children online?
Here are some questions we can ask ourselves before we update, publish, or post.
1. Am I giving my child a reputation that might alter people's expectations of him or her?
What we post online about our kids affects what people will expect from them in real life. Kids have enough pressure without having to live up to — or recover from — perceptions that are based on what we've put on the Web, especially if we have a tendency to vent our parenting frustrations. It's important for our words to be honest reflections of who our children are and not some made-up image of who we want them to be, but we can always do that in a loving, edifying way. And if we feel like we can't — well, we probably need to back away from that status update for a little while.
2. Am I making something public that should probably remain private?
I often wonder how our little boy will feel about something I've written five or 10 years down the road. I hope that he'll be grateful for funny stories about his preschool years since he won't remember much about that time. However, he will remember his elementary school years, and for the most part those are his memories, not mine. It's not my place to jump online and chronicle the latest playground drama or to document his private conversations with friends. As parents, we have to prayerfully consider where the online privacy line is going to be in our families and examine what our motivations might be if we're consistently stepping over it.
3. Is the information I'm sharing potentially hurtful to someone else?
Is it critical in a way that could negatively impact my child? Let me put it this way: Since we probably wouldn't walk out on the soccer field to mouth off about a coach's decision, we shouldn't mouth off on Twitter, either. By the same token, if a child has a conflict with a classmate, we shouldn't take the other kid to task in a blog post. As difficult as it can be to hold our tongues (or our fast-typing fingers), about challenges with our children's teachers, coaches, troop leaders, or even friends, those issues should be handled according to the guidelines in Matthew 18, not tried before a jury of Facebook friends.
Now to be clear, I certainly don't have all the social media answers. Not by a long shot. I've just learned that when I ask Alex if he minds being mentioned in a blog post or an article, he's usually fine with it if I'm sharing something lighthearted: a great family moment, a funny story from a trip, a new movie that he can't wait to see. But if it's something that feels too personal, something that embarrasses him or makes him uncomfortable — even if I think it's delightful and no big deal — then it's off-limits. And it should be.
Even if Alex doesn't understand his need for boundaries right now, one day he will. I want him to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried my best to be respectful of that.
Let's give our kids the benefit of thinking long and hard before we tell too much or offer information that's really no one else's business. We can treasure our children's stories within our families without oversharing with the outside world. Especially in a world that's as wide as the Web.
This article courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.