At some point most parents of teens struggle with the choice of their teen's music. Because music is a part of teen culture, it helps shape their minds and hearts. For many it's an extension of who they are. Insult what teens listen to and they often take it personally.
Get Tuned In
You can't always monitor your teens' tunes, but you should be aware of their music preferences. Understanding (though not necessarily liking) your teens' music is one window into better understanding their culture.
Sit with your teens and listen to the music they like. Ask them why they like it and how it makes them feel. (To provide a give-and-take opportunity, ask your teens to listen to the music you like and let them ask you questions.)
Next step? Go online and read the lyrics to the songs your teens like. If they give you the "But I don't listen to the words" response, don't buy it. The words are going into their heads and into their hearts. I recently heard a song that I hadn't heard in years, but I still knew most of the words. The repetition of words with a catchy tune and a good beat enabled my mind to recall the lyrics 20 years later.
What teens listen to can also impact their actions. A study published in an Australian Psychiatry journal found that teens who listened to rap or heavy metal were more likely to have unprotected sex and to drive drunk. Another study showed significant associations between heavy metal music and suicidal tendencies, depression, delinquency, and drug abuse. An American study showed that young adults who regularly listened to heavy metal had a higher preoccupation with suicide and higher levels of depression than their peers.
Communicate Well
Tell your teens why you don't like the message of a questionable song — why it's not healthy, why it's destructive, demeaning, and even dangerous. Ban them from playing certain music on the car radio, and prohibit certain music in your home.
According to the American Association of Pediatrics, more than 40 percent of popular music lyrics contain references to sex. Some gangster rap music degrades and dehumanizes women, devalues sex, and encourages violence.
Years ago one of my sons brought home a CD with a parental advisory label. I went online and read some of the astonishing lyrics. I told our boys, "I can't control what you listen to when I'm not around, but I can control the music you bring into our home. If I find a CD that has a warning label on it [in this house], that CD will immediately be destroyed. It doesn't matter if it belongs to you or a friend." It only took the disappearance of one CD for them to know I was serious.
It's never been more important or more challenging for parent to teach kids who to make wise, healthy, and responsible choices. Ask for God's help to better understand how to pray for and talk with your teen in ways that will build bridges rather than walls.