Sermon series: Extraordinary Relationships
2. Just the Three of Us - Colossians 3
3. What Do People See in You? - 1 Peter 2
4. Joseph: Stamped with Integrity - Genesis 41
Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8
Introduction
Elevators are unusual places, aren't they? Especially crowded ones. You're packed like sardines close to people you've never met, and you really try not to touch them. And nobody talks either. You can't look at anyone; in fact, you don't look anywhere except up, watching the numbers light up. Have you ever noticed two people walking into an elevator talking, but once they enter the elevator they stop talking. Strange things go on in elevators.
Years ago, several crazy friends and I were about to step on an elevator. The door slid open. The thing was full of people who gave us that hey-you-guys-aren't-gonna-try-to-get-in-are-you? Look. But we did. My friend, Jimbo, was last. When he stepped aboard there wasn't room enough for him to turn around. As the door slid shut behind him, he smiled big and said loudly, "You might have wondered why we called this meeting today!" The place broke up with laughter. It was the most amazing sight to watch. People actually began talking and relating to each other.
In many respects that elevator is a microcosm of our world today: a large, impersonal institution where anonymity, isolation, and independence are the uniform of the day. It shows us that people can be surrounded by other people in a crowded setting, and not experience community. We can be a part of a company, a club, or a church and not feel we belong or are accepted. We can share a car pool, an office, and even a home and not have significant relationships.
That was not the case with Paul, the apostle. He was born in Tarsus, educated in Jerusalem, lived in Damascus, spent formative time in the desert, moved to Antioch, and that was only the beginning. Professionally, he ventured out from Antioch on three extensive missionary campaigns, traveling from city to city. Yet wherever he went he established a band of people who huddled together in supportive and encouraging community.
How was he able to create significant relationships? First Thessalonians, one of Paul's most personal letters, identifies some of the key components for establishing and maintaining community.
I. Concede your need for others (v. 7)
Just as a child needs a mother we need each other. In another letter Paul identified this need to belong, "So the eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" nor again the head to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, all the more, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are necessary" (1 Cor. 12:20-22). This need for others is rooted deep within our souls. God planned it that way. That's why God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18).
This need for others is God-given and deeply rooted in our lives. Abraham Maslow, a nonbeliever, reinforced God's original design and planned through his well-known theory of the hierarchy of needs. Maslow believed that one could learn as much by studying healthy, well-adjusted people as one could by studying those with problems. His conclusion was that each of us has various levels of need. As we satisfy one level, we then move up to the next level.
Maslow's research revealed that before we can be a person of value and become all that we were intended to become we first must have our social needs met. We must be a part of a group, affiliating with others, experiencing caring and sharing relationships.
II. Cultivate deep relationships (v. 8)
Do not take relationships lightly. To survive in a cold and cruel world requires deep relationships. But those relationship do not just happen, they require effort. We have to do more than just reach out to others, we have to share our lives with others as well.
This truth was one of the secrets of Paul's establishment of supportive relationships. "We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us" (1 Thes. 2:8). Here was a man that every time he wrote to a church, he would always call by name two, three, or four people that were very close to him. He had developed significant relationships with these people.
Found in these verses are three words - rhyming words - that form the basis for developing relationship which pass the test of time.
Care - "as a nursing mother nurtures her own children" (v. 7). Remember people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Share - "we were pleased to share with you . . . our own lives" (v. 8). The word picture of "sharing our lives" continues the mothering idea and paints a picture of a mother nursing her young. A mother cannot nurse her children without sharing a part of her self with her child. For us to share with others in deep relationship necessitates that we get up close and personal with another. One cannot share at a distance.
Dear - "because you had become dear to us" (v. 8). Paul loved these people. And when we love others we do not treat them as a means to an end, but rather as individuals of value. To communicate our love with others we must dare to talk about our affections. We must learn the gestures of love - a hug, a handshake, roughhousing, as well as, many acts of kindness. May we never forget that love is something you do, not just something you say.
III. Commit to authenticity (v. 8)
It is not enough to admit we need each other, or say, "Oh, a few friends would be nice." We must commit ourselves to getting beneath the surface talk and become interested and accountable to each other. Authenticity occurs when the masks come off, conversations get deep, hearts get vulnerable, lives are shared, accountability is invited, and tenderness flows. Believers in the body of Christ become brothers and sisters.
Assimilation is becoming absorbed in the lives of others as an active participant, relating to, sharing with, and caring for others. The apostle Paul describes assimilation in five words, "We imparted our own lives" (1 Thes. 2:8 NASB). Paul did not erect barriers. He was not aloof. He opened his life to others. Reuben Gornitzke said of the need for assimilation, "We can't simply cheer people on and give them our best wishes. We have to make room for them in our lives."
When we make room for others in our lives the walls of indifference and apathy come down. When we make room for others we discover the best of others and the best in ourselves.
When Gene Stallings, former head football coach at Alabama, was an assistant under Bear Bryant a Fellowship of Christian Athletes chapter began. Stallings was the first assistant to attend the meetings. Bryant was somewhat bewildered. After Stallings had taken the head coaching position at Texas A&M, he received a call from Bryant, "Stallings, you know what is the worst thing that has happened to our football team? It's the FCA. Those players are doing nothing but hugging on one another, loving on one another, and they won't hit anybody." Bryant left Stallings to ponder those assorted Bear facts.
After the season, which turned out to be one of the best that Bryant ever had, the Bear called Stallings again. "Stallings, you know what is the best thing that has happened to our football team? It's the FCA. It has brought such a oneness and closeness to our team. We were unified because of the influence it had on our squad."
What happened for the University of Alabama football team, what happened in the elevator with my friends can happen anywhere. People need each other. We need to take off our masks, admit our need for each other, cultivate relationships, and strive for authenticity.
Finally, it is worth noting Martin Buber words, "Sin is our failure to grant another his plea for community." May we never be guilty of committing that sin as we build authentic relationships.