The Ultimate Sacrifice

This is an excerpt from Mission-Ready Marriage: A Christian Guide to Discovering Hope and Purpose as a Military Wife by Ashley Ashcraft.

Although God used the circumstances of the military to deepen my relationship with Him, no military resources or training will completely equip us to handle this lifestyle healthily. But there is Somebody who will: Jesus Christ. I learned that the hard way. As we live a lifestyle of turmoil and sacrifice, we can only experience hope and peace through the One who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Of all people, I do not have to tell you that we live in a broken, sin-soaked world filled with selfishness and evil. Service members and their spouses see this daily as they strive to protect our freedoms against all enemies, foreign and domestic. But a sin-filled world was not God's original plan for us. If we explore the first two chapters of the Bible, we find that Genesis 1 and 2 reveal a safe, peaceful, and beautiful world that God called “good.” No violence, no selfishness, no evil.

Unfortunately, like you and me, the first man and woman (Adam and Eve) were not content with this peaceful world God provided. Instead, as we read Genesis 3 and beyond, we find that they listened to Satan's twisted words and decided to disobey God's command not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil. That act of disobedience separated humanity from God forever.

Militarily speaking, Adam and Eve's transgression against God's rule would be akin to your husband being in battle on foreign soil and disobeying his commander's orders. Imagine that your husband's disobedience leads him to be separated from his commander and taken captive by the enemy. The commander would refuse to leave your husband behind, despite his negligence. In pursuit of his survival, the commander would devise a special operation to rescue him, knowing one of his own would have to perish to save your husband.

In essence, that is what happened when God sacrificed His Son for us. Our inherent sin separated us from God, but He implemented a plan to save us from the enemy (and our own sin!) in His loving mercy. He willingly sent His one and only Son to the cross to pay the debt for our sins. Jesus' sacrifice on the cross wiped our sins clean, and as believers in Christ, God now sees us through the pure and filtered lens of Jesus. That means that if you are in Christ today, not only has your record of wrong been erased from the ledger, but the ledger is now filled back up with a record of perfect obedience—Christ’s obedience. God now sees you as standing on Jesus’s record instead of your own, and in Christ’s record, you’re completely covered. (If this message is new to you, or you haven’t decided to stand on Christ’s record instead of your own, let me encourage you—now is the moment to choose it for yourself!)

Christ's death on the cross also calls us to lead a life of sacrifice. We must die to our selfish wishes and whims to honor and glorify the Father as faithful followers of Jesus. Though it sounds counterintuitive, the true key to a successful life and marriage requires a willingness to surrender our deepest desires to the will of our Father —something I failed at for years.

God’s Plan Is Better Than Ours

I openly struggled with resentment and discontent for almost a decade after the enemy shot down my husband Tim's helicopter. I yearned for the stereotypical all-American dream, white picket fence and all. I wanted to live in Arizona, raising my kids with our extended family. I wanted stability. I wanted my husband at the dinner table every night. I wanted Tim to be home to kiss our children goodnight and have breakfast with them in the morning. I wanted him to be present for all our family's activities, birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. I wanted the freedom to go on mission trips worldwide and plan vacations more than a week in advance.

But God had a different plan. To fulfill God’s Great Commission of sharing Jesus, He placed our family in the military. This time in my life is not the season for me to serve in Africa or Mexico. God needs me to serve in the military community right now, loving service members and their families. He placed me here to learn (repeatedly!) to die to myself and how to sacrifice my desires and plans for my husband, my children, my country, and my God.

Everything I just said probably sounds like doomsday to you—as if the only feeling you can expect will be pain as you give up your own dreams for the sake of others. But a funny thing happens when you start living this way—not just in military contexts, but in every context. You start experiencing intimacy and joy. You start experiencing that deep peace that our world was always made for. You see, God is bigger than the white picket fence, and His plans for your marriage are far grander than yours. If you partner with God to accomplish His goals for your marriage, just watch what He will do! Saying "Yes!" to God's plan for your marriage is a rewarding and eternal adventure that I cannot wait for you to start.

But please note you are not in control of your husband, his choices in your marriage, or his faith. You are only in charge of yourself. Do you know how I know? I tried controlling my husband for years, and honestly, it's something I still struggle with. Continually pray for your husband, asking God to draw your husband intimately close to his Creator and giving him the desire to surrender his life fully to Jesus. God can work through us to influence our husbands, but He is the one who offers the gift of salvation and guides our husbands’ hearts through the Holy Spirit. I pray that gives you permission to relax and let the Lord do the heavy lifting.